Every Damn Tear
by TheKatInTheShade
Summary: "I love you too." There is no hesitation. Suddenly there is nothing stopping us. He lunges forwards and kisses me until I am sure I am no longer of this world.


_I've been feeling kinda down; I walked out of an exam and got chased by 3 teachers, so this story is slightly angsty but I like happy endings._

_SPELLING = I'M SORRY!_

"**I love you too." There is no hesitation. Suddenly there is nothing stopping us. He lunges forwards and kisses me until I am sure I am no longer of this world. **

Running is such a good way to relieve stress.

I push myself further, faster, harder, until my muscles start to ache. Sweat builds on my forehead and along my hairline. I can feel my shirt clinging to my back and around my collar.

The road is shrouded in darkness; the moon my only light.

It's silent except for the occasional bark of a dog or the growl of a car engine.

First foot, second foot. Over and over; it's hypnotic.

I forget about everything.

I forget the 'girlfriend' who isn't actually my girlfriend, but seems to think she is, and I don't have the heart to send her away because I'm so lonely.

I forget that I haven't seen any of my friends since my second term at university started and I miss them terribly.

I also forget that I haven't told my old man that I'm not going to be a doctor and that, actually, I quite like Dinosaurs and writing poetry and making rock cakes and do I have to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life, right now?

I forget that I don't even have enough money to buy flowers for my mother's grave.

First foot, second foot.

My feet eventually carry me back to my flat. I stagger into the kitchen. Two of my flatmates are still up and on the X-Box. They don't look up or greet me as I enter. I go down the hall and unlock my room. Its pitch-black and I don't bother to turn the lights on. I feel my way around the edge of my room and open the bathroom door and flick on the light. I go inside and run a shower.

I stand under the water for a while and cry a little bit.

The war ended years ago. It's over and I don't want to talk about it. But ever since, I haven't quite had the strength I used to. I don't know why. I just feel so fucking tired all the time.

I turn off the shower, step out of it and begin to dry myself. I tuck the towel around my waist and go back into my bedroom.

I stand frozen.

"Alright, Shag." He says, shit eating grin exactly as I remember it.

It must be...what? Six months since I last saw him? The longest period of time we have spent apart since this whole thing begun.

"Yeah." I say, my voice suddenly raspy and dry. "Where you been?" I ask, trying to be casual.

To my surprise, his smile falters. Shit, did I give myself away?

"Sorry I was gone so long." Grimmjow says quietly.

I nearly break, right then and there.

_Nearly_.

"It's fine, it's fine!" I say quickly, my voice slightly higher than usual.

Grimmjow studies me for a moment.

"Yeah...ok."

Ohh God, how I want to run my fingers through his hair. It's so much softer than it looks. And his lips. So soft and gentle and _dangerous_. I miss having him near me. His smell and his taste and his touch. Christ, it _hurts_ not to touch him.

"So how is Uni?" He asks. "These flats are a bit shit, aren't they? Geez, it was so easy to get in here-"

"Why the fuck are you here, Grimmjow?" I blurt out.

His lips squish together and his brow furrows in confusion.

"I had some things to do, Ichigo, before I came back. Before it was safe enough for me to be with you."

"You don't want to be with me." I say in a deathly whisper. "You left, remember?"

"Thats not fair, you kicked me out-!"

"To think about what you did! Not to leave me for six months to fester in my own misery-!"

I stop myself. Grimmjow is looking at me with wide eyes. He looks horrified.

"I'm so sorry." He says. His voice is trembling and he looks like he might cry. I suddenly feel tired at the prospect of having to deal with more tears. Why can't things just be simple? Why can't I just be happy? "I didn't know you felt like that."

"Then how the fuck did you _think_ I felt then, asshole?" I shout. Anger, hurt, everything I have bottled up comes pouring out. "I ask if you could spend more time with me; does that give you no clue, whatsoever? And then you take off for six months? You know what, Grimmjow? FUCK YOU!"

I spin around, and with nowhere to go except the bathroom, I storm inside and lock the door. I can hear my roommates banging on the walls and asking me to kindly shut the fuck up, but they can piss off as well. I'm so sick of everything; of being so unhappy.

Then the tears start to come because I know I will never have the courage to reach for my razor and cut my wrists and just die like I want to do so badly. I slump against the wall and try to stifle my sobs with my fists.

After what feels like an age, there is a gentle knock at the door.

"Ichigo." Says Grimmjow, quietly. "You never said anything. You never said how you felt. You never said what you wanted. I thought this was just convenient for you. Sex, a bit of company. That's all I thought this was. It wasn't all I wanted it to be though, but I never knew how to move things along because you never gave an indication. I can't read minds, Ichigo. I didn't think you'd miss me at all..."

The war really fucked me over, huh?

I was so sick of people asking me if I was alright.

**Yes, I'm bloody **_**fine**_**!**

The only problem was no one noticed my sarcasm.

By the time the war was over I was holding so much inside I knew that I'd surely scare anyone off who I tried to share it with. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me because I have nightmares. So I didn't say anything.

But Grimmjow has always been different.

Right from the moment he appeared on my window ledge a year or so after the war, asking for my help to tidy things up. I was bored with school; sick of being misunderstood by everyone and everything and eager to get escape. I had fun, actually, those first few days, hunting rabid hollows in Las Noches with Grimm. Then one day, he kissed me.

Yes, Grimmjow has most certainly always been different.

"Grimmjow." I whisper. "I was scared you would leave me if I asked for more. And I mean... I was absolutely terrified. So I pretended. I acted like I didn't mind what you did or where you went. When really..." I feel another sob break through my chest. "I l-loved you all along." I hang my head as if in shame. Have I scared him off at last?

There is a huge crash as the door to the bathroom falls down at my feet. Grimmjow is standing there looking real and beautiful and I can hear my neighbours shouting some pretty obscene things but I don't care.

"I love you too." There is no hesitation.

Suddenly there is nothing stopping us. He lunges forwards and kisses me until I am sure I am no longer of this world.

Our lips move together and somewhere through the fog I remember I am in nothing more than a flimsy towel, which is sinking slowly over my hips.

We take the bed sheets to the roof.

There Grimmjow fucks me.

Its crazy; his hands are everywhere. Stroking over my stomach, my thighs and finally, my swollen erection. I gasp and moan and cry all over him, gripping his hips with every ounce of my strength, trying not to go mad. He strokes me harder and faster and I buck and thrash like a frenzied animal.

I've never felt so unbalanced and out of control before in my life.

Then his hand slips lower and he pushes against my pucker. It's been so long, but it feels so good to have him inside me again even if it's only his fingers.

Then something much hotter and much bigger pushes against me. I grab frantically at the sheets as I realize what is about to happen. But then he stops, and I almost scream from the loss of his touch.

But he flips me over so I am on my hands and knees. I tremble in anticipation as I feel his cock against me again. He gently pushes through my tight ring of muscle and, inch by inch, he sinks into me. My mouth is open in a silent cry.

We are still for a moment.

Then with abandon he starts to move.

Deep, hard thrusts; I can feel his every pulse, his every heartbeat.

Oh _god_ I've missed this; this closeness.

I feel myself sob again as he hits my prostate and I cry out and clench the bed sheets for dear life.

He pushes into me deeper and squeezes my hips, pressing me closer to him. He mumbles sweet nothings against my skin, but I'm too far gone to even attempt to understand him. I push myself back onto his cock, feeling utterly maniacal and we both groan in unison.

Suddenly everything is too much and my orgasm consumes me entierly. My spine arches and my cock throbs as ejaculate hits the sheets and my stomach. I feel Grimmjow's breathy growl against my ear and he fills me up right to the brim.

We are frozen for a few moments. Literally, I can't move. I'm too afraid I will ruin everything; that this most perfect moment will be gone forever. Then he slumps and pulls out and we lie on the sheets looking up at the stars. I'm still waiting for this perfect moment to go but it doesn't want to end.

"I had things to take care of, hollows to tidy up, before I left for good." He says.

I spoke too soon.

"When are you leaving?" I ask, feeling like the end of the world could come at any moment and I would welcome it.

"Huh? Las Noches? I've already left." Be blinks at my owlishly.

"What?" I ask, feeling a bit retarded. "I thought you were leaving here? You know, to stay in Las Noches forever."

"Err, _No_." Says Grimmjow, smirking at my dropped jaw. "I'm staying here you moron!"

And I am lying there feeling utterly stupid and a little bit tearful. Then I realize he is staying. He's _staying_! He is staying with _me_!

The next day I tell my 'girlfriend', who isn't actually my girlfriend, to fuck off.

I book a one way train ticket to karakura.

I call Chad because he is my best friend and we haven't played on CoD for ages.

I ring my dad too and I tell him that we need to talk, and he needs to listen.

As me and Grimmjow are walking to the train station with all my stuff, I spot a little pink flower growing up through a crack in the concrete. I pick it and press it between the pages of one of my books. When I get home I place it ay my mother's feet. I can't see her but I feel her hand on my shoulder.

I still have nightmare's, I still don't tell Grimmjow everything.

But I'm happy.

And you know what?

It was worth every damn tear.

REVIEW MOTHAA FUCKAAAS!


End file.
